"I couldn't break your heart, not even if I tried."

In spite of a love lock in Moscow and the key thrown in the river, all I'm left with is me, myself and I.

 What can you say. You can't really play the love game properly without risking it all. It's funny how people are like "It's an experience and you'll appreciate it in the future!" when they comment about every bad thing that happens to you. Sure, I mean... Yeah, sure. Until now, I've never experienced the excruciating pain of a heart break, but I suppose that's another experience to cherish. It doesn't make me think less of Cupid, even though all I have now is this ridiculous cucumber plant.

I made that.

As in having it in my mind, since I had to give it away for a birthday present. Just can't stop thinking about this cucumber plant. There's a cucumber plant on my mind and a heartache everywhere else.

Please, make it stop.

Man doesn't Live on Bread Alone, nor do I Live on Excuses.

Trying to keep my head up.

There's always some stranger out there trying to ruin your day.

After waiting on the metro station wishing for one of the trains to just dislocate, land on the platform and run me over, I'm yet again back to square one when it comes to appreciation of life.

 Today was a day I was doing a really good job at trying to enjoy the little things.

 This morning for example, an overly exciting dad approached me the minute I came up the stairs and said with an exclamation mark that his plants were starting to grow flowers:

"I was beginning to lose hope, but here they are!" he said followed by a giddy laugh. He's really getting into the retired state before he's actually going to retire. I suppose after working half your life and being a refugee of the Vietnam War you're entitled to do such. He made me smile, and I gave him a hug for that one.


Example no. 2: My job.

I've truly met some of the most awesome people ever here. They remind me to never give up on the emotions that enrich my life, and not least, to allow myself to feel whatever I want to feel. I find it difficult these days as I'm more or less filled with apathy, but they show me that it's possible. And beautiful.


Example no. 3: Childlike behaviour.

Being childlike or sometimes even childish is something I truly enjoy at the expense of other people. In this state I can fully not give a crap about everything and act like there's not a worry in the world. It would be wrong to say that I'm acting, though, because I genuinely feel that I'm untouchable when I'm running around with my limbs all over the place, blowing milk out of my nose and being as loud as a 4 - year old. Just to mention a few things. My conclusion is that Peter Pan got it right.


On my way home, though, someone had to cramp my style as there was a ticket control on the bus. I handed over my ticket, being all confident until he said:

- You haven't validated you ticket.
- What?

The moment I said that I had a flashback of the time I was supposed to validate it. It was about a month ago, so it's unbelievable that I even rememberd that particular episode where I couldn't validate my ticket because of a broken machine. So I thought to myself that I would do it some other time, but I apparently never came around to do it. I basically forgot. In this case, it's obviously my fault, but it's still annoying to pay a lot of money for something that I didn't do intentionally. So I politely stated to the man that the system sucks.

- Yeah, I can admit that the system isn't optimal. Since you're a student, we can divide your fine in smaller payments.

Sure, to have a constant reminder of an unnecessary fine you got way back every single month for the rest of the year is something I would really like.

- I'll pay now, please.

750 kr. I suppose buying my school books on discount was destined. The rest of the money was obviously meant to pay for this.

- We do understand that it's easy to forget to validate your ticket, you know.

God, do I hate communicating with people who can't see that what they're saying is straight up stupid. What I hate even more is trying to communicate with ticket controllers who can't see that what they're saying is straight up stupid. Or generally people in uniforms.

- No, you're not being understanding. If you were, you wouldn't fine me.

- No, no, we understand.

Whatever makes you feel like a better person, I suppose.

 Haha, look at them.

Siri Nilsen - Alle Snakker Sant

 hvor skal du gå
når alle veier fører til en vegg
og i den veggen er et lite søkk
fra gamle møter med ditt hode?
hvem hører du på
når alle snakker sant og sier hør
og du har hørt det tusen ganger før?
og du lurer på
hvor skal du gå?
du trenger en ny vei nå

togene går
og andre mennesker klarer fint
riktig tog til riktig tid
du våkner alltid opp i feil by
hvor lenge holder et håp
når du tror at du skal klare deg
men beina bare vil en vei?
og du lurer på
hvor skal du gå?
du trenger en ny vei nå

når du ikke orker kjempe mer
du lukker øynene og ser svart
det mangler tegninger på ditt kart

hvem skal du slå
hvem skal overvinnes i duell
når den eneste du møter er deg selv
igjen og igjen?
hvor mange ganger skal du gå
den samme veien gang på gang
fordi det er den eneste du kan?
og du spør med din klareste stemme
hvor skal du gå?

Seriously.

Guys, come on. Really..? 

REALLY?

I don't have time for this. 

Friggin' babies, gotta help them with everything.

Can I get a high five?

I just love this day. My psychologist with his team of experts have finally given me a diagnose; moderate depression. There's nothing I like more than being labeled and moderate depression was excactly what I was aiming for. It's a nice achievement. My boyfriend agreed on it. We high fived.

 True story.

 Anyways, they've made a plan and everything on how we're going to approach the situation. I don't remember how the plan looked like, since the bullet points were many. Maybe not that many, but the content of the points that were there were rich. I don't know. I have serious problems concentrating, so I found myself spacing out in the middle of it all.

They also said that the significant improvement I need between now and this summer was realistic if I work hard, so hopefully I'll be able to continue with my studies in Hungary the next school year (long sentence). The alternative is to call the whole thing off, which will most likely lead to continuous visits to my psychologist for the rest of my life and a more severe mental illness. Like Schizophrenia or something. I prefer being able to move to Hungary, though, so keep your fingers crossed for me, if you want. Judging by the picture above, you might want to cross your toes as well.

Who am I fooling. I don't need a high five. I need a hug.

I would love to write about depression itself, but I don't feel capable of it. If you want to read about it, I suggest googling it, or you can go here and click yourself around. The site's in Norwegian.

Blog, Bitch!

So... You.

 You're not satisfied with how often I write? You want me to blog more? Sure, I'll blog.

bloggingbloggingbloggingbloggingbloggingbloggingbloggingbloggingbloggingbloggingblogging.

I hope you're happy. Until next time; don't hate, appreciate.

You see, there's a time for everything. The majority says it's time to study. I agree.

Kind of. 

"Haha, yeaahh, soo fun to sit on your butt for hours memorizing the structure of DNA or whatever!" 

I truly have no other choice than to make uni. my second home the next week. Until now, I've neglected the fact that there are midterms. There actually are midterms. I actually have to...

Nancy.

- Yeah.

 Oh. Anyways, I actually have to work for it sometimes. Have you ever realised that your entire life consists of working for the things you want? It sure sucks. Or at least today it does. On a normal day it sucks to actually not having to work for it. I know that sounds very unlikely, but trust me. It's true.

Nancy, focus.

 - I'm sorry.

 Bloody hell, Nancy! Come back.

- What. Dude, like, want some waffles?

 Hells yeah. A movie would be nice too.

Mathematical institute stepped in and saved the day. In spite of the fact that we only got to see 10 minutes of Jason Bourne. We have to study, you know.

Heaheahea, study.

When you put your philosophical mood on, it's funny to think about how humans have managed to organise themselves. Not least, why humans have gone and done it like this. Dammit, who invented school anyways? When did it become cool to know stuff? I demand to know; at what point did that someone stand up from the crowd of uncivilised beasts and say: "Eh, this is not for me." It's pretty...

Oh, Jesus Christ.

- Nancy.

- What's up.

- Why are you here?

- Just having a break. I want to check my email and stuff. Google cute cats or something. Anything.

- Your entire life revolves around breaks. Why don't you go back to your seat.

- Why don't you just leave me alone?

Ah, yeah. It's pretty amazing. Pretty friggin' amazing.

"Tell me, how you gonna get something, with all you gave up was nothing?"

I'm having a pretty bad Saturday morning because:

I was up at 7
I have school (read: Saturday)
I'm sleepy

I feel pretty spoilt when reading this list. At least I can go to school and am able to complain about insignificant things. I sure do that alot. Raise your hands if you think I should be shipped to the dodgiest area in Africa.

I'm comforting myself with one of my favourite neo-soul singers, Angie Stone. Check out "Everyday", both the original and the remix.

Don't hold your breath

I'm literally working on seven different posts and to be realistic, few of them will make it to the blog during this week. Nothing seems to be good enough these days. I might chuck out something for the hell of it, though. Like I'm doing now.

In the meantime, check out what people googled in order to get to my blog:

"crazy stupid people" and "fancy nancy whores" are definitely my favourites. Yeah, and "stealing a pen" isn't so bad either. Who are you people? Though I'm willing to bet that my search list isn't any better. Where does that leave me?