"I couldn't break your heart, not even if I tried."

In spite of a love lock in Moscow and the key thrown in the river, all I'm left with is me, myself and I.

 What can you say. You can't really play the love game properly without risking it all. It's funny how people are like "It's an experience and you'll appreciate it in the future!" when they comment about every bad thing that happens to you. Sure, I mean... Yeah, sure. Until now, I've never experienced the excruciating pain of a heart break, but I suppose that's another experience to cherish. It doesn't make me think less of Cupid, even though all I have now is this ridiculous cucumber plant.

I made that.

As in having it in my mind, since I had to give it away for a birthday present. Just can't stop thinking about this cucumber plant. There's a cucumber plant on my mind and a heartache everywhere else.

Please, make it stop.

Can I get a high five?

I just love this day. My psychologist with his team of experts have finally given me a diagnose; moderate depression. There's nothing I like more than being labeled and moderate depression was excactly what I was aiming for. It's a nice achievement. My boyfriend agreed on it. We high fived.

 True story.

 Anyways, they've made a plan and everything on how we're going to approach the situation. I don't remember how the plan looked like, since the bullet points were many. Maybe not that many, but the content of the points that were there were rich. I don't know. I have serious problems concentrating, so I found myself spacing out in the middle of it all.

They also said that the significant improvement I need between now and this summer was realistic if I work hard, so hopefully I'll be able to continue with my studies in Hungary the next school year (long sentence). The alternative is to call the whole thing off, which will most likely lead to continuous visits to my psychologist for the rest of my life and a more severe mental illness. Like Schizophrenia or something. I prefer being able to move to Hungary, though, so keep your fingers crossed for me, if you want. Judging by the picture above, you might want to cross your toes as well.

Who am I fooling. I don't need a high five. I need a hug.

I would love to write about depression itself, but I don't feel capable of it. If you want to read about it, I suggest googling it, or you can go here and click yourself around. The site's in Norwegian.

To people who replace their friggin' iPhones every time a new one comes out.

I'm not saying that it's wrong to enjoy ourselves and buy things we want. Not at all, actually. I'm just saying, the next time you consider throwing away something you've only had for a month and that works perfectly fine in order to replace it, think twice. Will it make you happier?

Ever since I got back from my backpacking trip, I've realised how little I can get by with when it comes to stuff. I don't really need anything! So I basically stopped my previous constant need of... Buying. I mean, I still buy stuff, but only when I need it or if I really want it. And when I purchase something in the first place, I like to pay a little extra for the quality so it lasts longer. At the end of the day, though, there are surprisingly few things that I want, because the things I really want cannot be bought.

Amazing sunrise over Byron Bay, Australia.

If people were able to lift their heads up from iPads, smart phones, computers and their huge pile of stuff, they would probably be in for a treat.

Anyways.

This is a video I think everyone should see. I did have plans on writing a post about something along the lines of this, but this video gets the message across way better.

Inevitable Life

Sometimes I wonder why I grew up. And I'm writing it like I had a choice in the first place.

From the time I didn't know anything.

It's truly fascinating what life has to offer and how it moulds you, sometimes without you even knowing.

As attentive as you would be when listening to someone who had a really exciting life story to tell, treat yourself with the same attentiveness and prepare to be amazed.


Every facade hides something valuable in forms of experiences and lessons. So what have you learned so far?  
What's your story?

Google: Depression

I've spent the last couple of months or so thinking about nothing and everything, and not once have I found myself somewhere in between these two states of mind. Yet again, a lot has changed during a short period of time. I'm left puzzled and frustrated because of it. Apparantly, I came to a crossroad without noticing it and now I fully realise that I've gone so far in the wrong direction that finding my way back has become impossible. Or at least that's what it feels like.

You see, there are no recent traumatic events. No recent life changing matters, nor are there any recent epiphanies on my behalf. The only thing that happened; me. It's so contradicting to be at war with myself when that is the person I need the most during my darkest hours. I let myself down gradually and before I know it I'm caught in a negative vicious circle I can't get out of on my own.

In slightly lighter moments like the one I have now, I'm well aware of the fact that finding my way back isn't impossible at all as long as I get a lot of help and a lot of time. I'm also aware of that there are people who've been dealt a bad hand in life and that I'm far from one of them. I'm aware that this feeling of being happy is reachable. I'm aware of that hope, reassurance and contentment exist. During these moments, I'm aware. I might not be able to get there instantly, but at least I'm aware. I suppose the expression is that I see glimpses of light at the end of the tunnel.

Unfortunately, moments like this don't come too often these days, and the absence of them leaves me with... Hell. A place where your thoughts are so far away from the actual truth, where you become so good at twisting everything that you make your own reality that doesn't really exist; an isolated world where sadness, pain, emptiness, anxiety, insecurity and apathy dominates. The worst part is that you end up living in it, which makes it real enough.

Everyone faces hardship during their life. Experiencing misery and trials is inevitable. Even though it's important to be strong, many people don't always have the capacity to take the most reasonable road to recovery. I've accepted that I'm one of those people. Overall, it's OK. It's perfectly OK if you can't make lemonade out of every single lemon that is thrown at you.

Full of temporary hope, I'm writing this to tell you that I will eventually be fine. I also want to tell you that in 90 % of the time, I won't believe the latter sentence I just wrote. During this period of recovery, though, I won't be the person you initially know and love (or hate). All I'm asking for is patience and persistence in those who care. And that you all haven't disappeared when I come out strong in the end.